Pearls and Diamonds: From My Wisdom Tooth

Recently I had an experience where I was able to be tested in some learnings I have been cultivating in my life.  I was only born with one wisdom tooth and boy was that tooth packed with all the wisdom that having four would have provided.  Today I would like to share with you the lessons from Mr. Wisdom Tooth that I experienced throughout the whole process.  Many of you were sending prayers, love and light to me while I was in this experience and my hope is to encourage those acts and let you see the fruit and also share my pearls of wisdom so we can all grow together from my lived experience.  

Many of you know about my life’s light that I have been inspired to bring to the world called MyPRISM.  Feel free to check out my home page for the full explanation of health and radiance through being our individual PRISMs but the parts that I will be concentrating on for this writing are two of the letters, I and M that were extremely important to my experiential learning:  Illuminate and Mend.  (The rest of the letters are P- play, R-relate, S-Sustain in case you were wondering.)

One of my lessons in life has been the process which I call “Mining Diamonds” or “Harvesting Pearls.”  There is a process for all of us that is the Alchemy of our Spirits, the purification of Spirit, Soul and Body, and many other terms used to describe the process of personal transformation.  When I think about how a diamond is formed, it is in the dense, dark, hot and pressurized conditions that change a dense and heavy material to a beautiful light filled gem that happens over massive amounts of time.  Another analogy would be that of a pearl being formed by an irritant- parasite or a grain of sand.  It is a long process of using the material from the shell to slowly cover over the invader getting into the shell to decrease the irritation. Humans have had a fascination with gems and pearls in almost every culture starting back in the 4th century BC.  These are obviously not vital to our survival such as food, drink and air but I believe this fascination and value we have assigned to it is due to the deeper meaning behind them:  the analogy of a process of personal transformation in our own lives!  I think about the times I have been in the depths of the earth, feeling like I was cut off from sunlight, connection and the fire was so intense that I wanted everything in me to escape.  And years later I realized that going through those times created things in me that I am now grateful for:  increased compassion for myself and others, a greater capacity for love, resilience, stamina and a level of trust in the process of life that this too shall pass.  In the MEND category of PRISM I teach of looking for the diamonds in the midst of the fire and heat as a way to bring some presence and encouragement to the process.  The “joy in the midst of suffering” or the “calm in the storm” are phenomena I had trouble understanding until I started learning about this process of looking for the diamonds and pearls that will come.  Of course the full radiance of the gems from trials takes time to really sink in and materialize but I had a few shiny moments in the midst of despair that I wanted to share.

First Diamond:  Do you want to keep learning from pain? (A bit of backstory)

About 5 years ago I was told I needed to get this tooth out eventually.  It wasn’t an emergency and I was in no hurry to do it and I decided to wait a bit.  Many things I told myself like I can’t take the time, I’m too busy to deal with this, etc. were the messages I would tell myself when I was putting off self care.  I also let a lot of fear and previous experience with a medical system that failed me for a really long time and eventually led to a pretty large health crisis.  Another factor was that I had met a woman who was getting evicted from her apartment because she was addicted to pain killers that started from a botched tooth extraction that left her with debilitating pain, the same style that I was getting out.  So I let fear creep in and keep me from taking the steps before things got emergent.  I knew in my “knower” that it needed to come out starting about a year and a half ago and I put it off.  Then the pain started.  The pain of an infected tooth caused me to go to the dentist and get things checked out.  They said it needed to come out as soon as possible so, when left with no other choice, under pain and pressure I made the decision that now was the time.  (This also meant that having an infected tooth extraction upped my chances of having a more severe infection.)  When I left the dentist to go to the oral surgeon, I felt Mr. Tooth say, “Jenny, are you ready to stop learning from pain?”  Pain has been a powerful teacher in my life to the point where most of my life lessons had come from some sort of pain.  I believe this is normal but I also see a hope that while we can learn lessons from pain, we can also learn lessons without pain as well, and we can learn lessons from pain without the added suffering.  I thanked my tooth for the wisdom and decided that yes, sometimes pain is inevitable but there have been many times I have not taken care of myself and that resulted in learning a lesson from pain and I would be glad to start a new path.  Boy did I not realize that the lesson was going to continue.  

2nd Diamond:  Practicing non-resistance and staying in the moment

After the tooth extraction and an unfortunate series of events, the infection spread rapidly, to the point where I ended up in the ER not being able to swallow bc my throat was closing. I’m not going to lie, there were times in this experience where I was ridden with fear, physical pain, agony and felt in the depths of the earth.  My mind wanted to go into the future or bring the past into my current situation.  There were some medical judgment calls that left me a bit vulnerable and feeling helpless and those moments triggered a trauma I had been through before.  And the pain!  I didn’t know that level of pain existed.  I’ve been learning recently about becoming the observer of my thoughts and emotions- not resisting them or pushing them down, but simply observing.  The book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle was something I was using to help me on that journey.  I also was reminded of the teaching of Jesus when he was encouraging people to take a look at the lilies and the birds of the fields and have no thoughts or worries for tomorrow.  Our minds and emotions are powerful tools that help us navigate this physical earth, but they can also use us as well to create havoc in our situations.  Everytime I found myself projecting into the future with fear and worry or bringing the past in coloring my current situation I began to bring awareness and began to observe the thoughts and emotions.  A strange thing began to happen, the emotions would bubble up, I would cry or experience them to the fullest, and then they would pass.  Not attaching to them with my thoughts kept me in the present moment and in those brief moments, I had joy and peace.  Not happiness or smiles of course, but a true sense of peace and capability of handling the information I had in that exact moment.  

3rd Diamond:  Flowing around the rock

Another concept I have been meditating and praying on is an analogy I heard of me as a person, being a drop of water from the ocean of pure love and light: God, Creator of Life, the force that sustains life, and ultimately where we return when we die.  Being a created being, I have an aspect of this force inside of me.  I am not the whole of course- I cannot even comprehend the vastness of that ocean but I have moments where I remember who I am, where I came from and where I am going.  If I am a drop in the ocean, then I see life as a river leading to that ocean.  A river with calm waters, rushing waters, and even boulders in the way as well.  When you watch the water move, when a big boulder is there, it simply flows around the rock with no resistance, just a simple, peaceful transition:  oh here’s a rock, let’s flow around.  What I have done a lot when I see a boulder (an unexpected or undesired change in my life), instead of flowing around the rock, I’ve stood up and fought the current.  That life has been tiring to me.  Sometimes it caused me to slip and hit my head against the rock. Sometimes I spent so much time and energy praying away the rock, denying the rock or feeling a victim of the rock.  Complete acceptance of every moment that is coming before me along with complete acceptance of the emotions that come as well, have really helped me to lower my level of suffering in the midst of pain.  An old saying by Haruki Murakami says, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”  I have found this to be true in my experience of practicing non resistance, accepting what is in the present moment and making a decision to flow around the rock.  

Some Bright Spots in the Midst of Chaos

Another key thing that happened to me was I was able to see the bright spots in the medical system again.  Because I was no longer letting my past control my present or projecting that past into the future, I was able to find and see the best of the best in that setting.  It brought healing to me that I needed in my life in the brilliance of medicine done right.  The staff at St. Vincent’s, particularly in the SICU was amazing.  I was able to connect with them on a deep level, see them as people and be vulnerable enough where they could see me.  If I had not given them the chance and been skeptical and defensive, I might not have gotten that reaction.  Connecting deeply and vulnerably with other humans is one of the key ingredients to flourishing and I found that in my moment of despair. 

And to all of you!!!  I felt so loved, so cared for, so supported by all of you.  I felt your prayers and love in real time, received your encouragement, sweet gifts and visits.  I am confident that this allowed me to see a glimpse into the diamonds and pearls that were being formed in the belly of the earth with all the heat, fear, pressure and darkness.  I thank you from my whole being and will be sending that love right back to you as I heal. 

Why MyPRISM?

Why did we choose MyPRISM as the name of this program?  A prism is a shape that takes an input (sunlight), assimilates that light, bends the light, and then displays a brilliance of colors.  Think of yourself as a prism walking around.  You are taking in many inputs:  the food you eat, the relationships you have, the stress and joys of the world, etc. and you are assimilating those inputs, “bending” or processing them, and then displaying something to the world.  Is what you are displaying bright, fun, playful, beautiful; or is it damp, dark, tired, and stressed?  Now we differ from a prism in the fact that we have a purpose that is higher than making a pretty rainbow.  We are all here to display the brightest of ourselves to the world (our radiance), in service of something greater than ourselves.   We are here for a purpose, whether we recognize what that purpose is or not. 

A prism will not make a rainbow with artificial light or darkness.  And unlike a prism, we have control over many of those inputs.  Also unlike a prism, we have the power to take in inputs that seem dark and void of light, and to turn those into light.  For example, there are many challenges we all face as humans.  We face loss, grief, sickness, and on and on.  One of the things WE ALL have in common is the experience of death.  Death of the ones we lose and our own mortality.  How can we take those challenges and go on our personal journey without being overcome?  How can we take what is thought of as “darkness” and turn it into “light”?

You may be thinking, what does my purpose have to do with my health?  Don’t worry, we will cover the wisdom and science that shows true flourishing comes from living our purpose, in service to something bigger than ourselves.  We will also show you how that connects to your health goals.  Before we jump into that, first let me tell you the other reason we named the program MyPRISM.

MY 

Health and radiance is YOUR journey.  We cannot give you a simple solution, pill or supplement that will make you whole.  And I would argue that a solution like that does not exist in reality.  Life is supposed to be a journey, full of challenges and celebrations along the way.  The offer of quick and easy is not having the outcome that we want.  So let’s REFORM our thinking together and build something sustainable and joyful.  This is YOUR health. 

PRISM 

PRISM happens to also be the acronym for a model of health and radiance.  Not a cookie cutter program where everyone does the same thing.  But if we have organization and structure to our health goals, we can more easily achieve our goals.  The PRISM model is a way to categorize and attune to your foundations of health.  If the foundation is not right, the house will fall down.  We will be teaching you 5 pillars of health that when worked on simultaneously can enhance your never ending journey towards health and radiance:

PLAY:  moving your body in fun and functional ways, often

RELATE: connecting to and interacting with ourselves, others and our spiritual center

ILLUMINATE:  lowering the burden of stress by engaging in activities that bring light

SUSTAIN:  using food and beverages as fuel to achieve our goals

MEND: repairing our bodies, minds and souls 

Attuning to these areas of our health and radiance can help us to create sustainable and enjoyable health goals while we continue this never ending journey towards our best, brightest and most fulfilled selves.